In my view, integrity is far more than just being truthful; it’s about wholeness. The word integrity comes from integer—a whole number. To live a life of true integrity, I realized I had to be whole. I strive to be fully integrated across four critical domains.
If I am lacking in any of these areas, that brokenness will eventually corrupt my whole life.
My Four Pillars of an Integrated Life
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Spiritual Integrity: Acknowledging that my worth comes from the Creator and nurturing that faith.
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Physical Integrity: Maintaining the physical health and resilience required to sustain my mission.
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Emotional Integrity: Maintaining a balance where I control my emotions—they do not control my actions or decisions.
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Relational Integrity: Building a supportive and accountable network of family and friends who will challenge me and cheer me on.
If a person becomes an addict, for example, that addiction will ultimately disintegrate their emotional balance, their relationships, and their spiritual life. I am continually out of balance in one direction or another and have to actively coach myself every day to maintain strength across all four pillars.
This concept of integrity can be a great mental exercise but what should I do to bring it about? I know exactly what you should do but that is the wrong question.
The Be/Do/Outcome Framework That Guides Me
A profoundly important lesson I learned from my Novus Global Coach, Karl Larsen, was the Be/Do/Have model. Most of us try to live our lives backward. We try to Do things to Be somebody, hoping to Have a specific outcome. We chase the title, an exercise fad, or relationship thinking it will give us the character we desire.
We can have a life-changing impact if we flip this script:
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Be: I focus on who I am striving to be (principled, courageous, empathetic). This is my identity—the rock-solid foundation.
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Do: I perform the actions and behaviors that a person of that character would perform.
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Have: The outcomes follow.
The liberating power of this framework is simple: When the outcome is poor (which happens to all of us), I don't change who I am (Be). I analyze what I did and change the things that I Do. Instead of a negative, I have managed to find something that doesn't work and now I can change it.
Finally, being Integrated and having a Be/Do/Have framework is empowered by deep personal introspection.
The Radical Question That Liberated Me
One of the most liberating practices I adopted later in my life was learning to question my own deeply held assumptions. It’s simple, but hard:
I ask myself: "What am I radically wrong about?"
When I don't know where to look, I look at the things I hold most dear. I look at my faith, my political views, and my core beliefs, and I try to objectively find the best information to see if I am wrong. Often, I find I agree with what I hold to be true. But sometimes, I find I was radically wrong, and I learn something that makes me more compassionate and understanding. Recently, I did this exercise about a national leader I held negative beliefs about. When I got past the I encourage you to try it—it is how you keep your formation tight and your integrity whole.
