The core of every successful unit I've led, from a large wing in combat to a homeless shelter to higher education organizations, is trust. This trust isn't built on flawless execution; it's forged through the crucibles of clarity, empathy, and dissent.
Clarity Over Confidence
My fellow fighter pilots and I never lacked confidence. But confidence must be controlled by clarity. As a leader, I must explicitly set the standards for my organization:
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When is "Good enough" sufficient?
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When are we aiming for "Better"?
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When, only on rare occasion, is "Perfect" necessary?
If I don't give my people this clarity, they'll assume everything is a first priority and will end up failing everywhere. I have to set the standard, and frankly, I need to be tougher on myself than I am on them.
Empathy is Hard, Not Soft
When a team member falls short, my first response cannot be judgment. I must apply empathy.
Empathy is one of the most important leadership traits. It's not soft. It's hard.
Empathy forces me to dig in and investigate the root cause:
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Was this a training issue?
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Was this a commitment issue?
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Was this a lack of direction on my part?
If they were doing their best but lacked the clarity or training I should have provided, I show empathy, coach them, and bring them back. This process of shared suffering and mending builds a bond that is almost unbreakable. We trust each other more because we've been vulnerable enough to struggle together.
I Am Disagreeable (And I Need My Team to Be Too)
My military ethos has always been to demand disagreement from my junior leadership.
"I always agree with myself, like 100% of the time. And so I need people around me who are willing to push back."
I am disagree-able—you are able to disagree with me. I need dissenting opinions because I know I am not equipped to solve every problem. I am smart, and I have pattern recognition, but that can lead to bias. By giving my team explicit permission to challenge my direction, I ensure I hear ideas I haven't considered, leading to better, more integrated decisions. I've learned that you can't be afraid of having those harder conversations. It builds the strength of the organization.
I don’t earn trust by being right all the time; I build it by being clear, empathetic, and open to challenge. That’s how teams move from forced compliance to committed trust.
