What to Do at the Stoplight
What do you think is the number one question people ask me when it comes to homelessness? It isn’t whether someone is “really” homeless, nor is it about drugs or mental health. The question I get, above all others, is simple: “Hey Jack, when I pull up to the stoplight and someone has a sign… what do I do?”
Why We Ask That Question
I understand why people ask it. You’re sitting in your car, maybe your kids are with you. You see someone on the corner who clearly has less than you, and you feel guilt. That guilt leaves you wondering: Do I give? Do I look away? What’s the right thing?
Here’s my answer: it doesn’t matter what you do at that moment. I don’t say that to be cruel or hard-hearted. It’s simply the truth. Whether you hand over a few dollars or keep your window rolled up, that single action won’t change the person’s long-term situation. So stop carrying the guilt. If you want to give, go ahead. If you don’t, that’s okay too—because ultimately, it’s about you in that moment, not them.
Or.
You Can Do What I Do
Here’s what I do when I pull up to the stoplight: I roll down my window and ask, “Hey, what’s your name?” Sometimes I get a street name—“Cowboy” or “Sugar.” I gently push further: “No, what’s your real name? My name’s Jack.”
That’s when something powerful happens. When they say their name like Thomas or Maria, that’s a transaction between equals. Whose name is better—Jack or Thomas? Neither. For a moment, the power imbalance of the street disappears. For just a second, they get to be a person, not just “the homeless guy with a sign.”
And when you close, choose words that fit the reality: “Nice to meet you, Thomas. I hope you have a safe day.” (Not a good day—because on the street, it’s rarely a good day.)
Why Names Matter
Your name is tied to identity and dignity. There’s a scene in the Gospel of John where Mary is weeping outside the empty tomb. She doesn’t recognize the man standing in front of her until he says her name: “Mary.” In that instant, everything changes. Names remind us who we really are.
A Moment of Dignity
The light turns green, you roll up your window, and you drive away. Do yourself a favor. Check your rearview mirror. Chances are they’re still looking at your car because for a moment, someone saw them, spoke to them, and treated them as an equal. That small moment of dignity can matter more than anything you put in their hand.
Your Turn
Next time you’re at the stoplight, try asking a name. Then reflect on what changed for them, and for you.
Dale Carnegie once said:
“A person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language."
