A Fighter Pilot’s Guide to Staying Out of Trouble
I’m a fighter pilot. I don’t fly anymore, but once you’ve been a pilot, you never stop thinking like one. I used to launch 80,000 pounds of jet into the air in less than 6,000 feet of runway. With the afterburners lit, the ground shook, your ears hurt, and the jet guzzled fuel like there was no tomorrow.
That much thrust is intoxicating but it’s also unsustainable. If I stayed in full afterburner, I’d run out of gas before I even got halfway through the mission. So, shortly after takeoff, I’d pull the throttles back to about 80%. That’s where the aircraft could still cruise efficiently and under control.
Here’s where it applies to you: that throttle is your “party throttle.”
If you start the night in full afterburner with shots, chugging, going all-out, you’re going to burn out fast. And by “burn out,” I don’t mean just getting sleepy. I mean running into trouble, making bad choices, and maybe ending up in a place you don’t want to be.
The 80% Rule
Set your “party throttle” at 80%. For me, that was a beer, a water, a beer, a water, a beer, a water. Three drinks max in that exact order. That’s how you last the whole night without “crashing” in spectacular fashion. And no, three Long Island iced teas with ice doesn't count as water.
The Midnight Rule
After decades around young service members, college students, and yes, my younger self, I noticed a pattern. Nothing good happens after midnight. As a military commander or higher ed leader, I’ve never once been woken up at 2:30 a.m. to hear:
“Sir, just wanted to let you know everything’s perfect. All the kids are safe, and the house is spotless.”
Nope. Those late-night calls are always for one of three things:
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Someone is hurt.
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Something is broken.
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Someone is in jail.
And often, alcohol + inexperience + “it’s after midnight” = trouble. If you stay out past midnight, you’ll see it: people losing their minds, one bad decision at a time.
The Funny Rule
Sometimes, despite your best intentions, you’ll find yourself still out at 2:30 a.m. That’s when you need one final piece of advice—something that might literally save your skin.
If anyone in your group starts a sentence with:
“Hey, wouldn’t it be funny if…”
Run.
Don’t laugh. Don’t wait to hear the rest. Just leave before “funny” turns into a trip to the ER, a totaled car, or a mugshot.
The Bottom Line
Remember these three things:
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80% – Keep your throttle in a safe zone.
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Midnight – Go home before the real stupidity starts.
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Funny – Run from anyone who’s about to try it.
Follow those rules and you’ll avoid a lot of the pain, drama, and the regret that fills my phone calls in the middle of the night. Years from now, you’ll thank me and probably pass the advice along to your own kids.
